Underdressed and Overfed... Le Jardin, Edgewater, NJ

Le Jardin is set right on the Hudson, on a surprise driveway right off twisty River Road.  Nestled among huge developements, some old, some ridiculously new, the surrounding trees and grass areas give it a country feel once you're inside.  The GWB is visible from almost all indoor/outdoor patio seating, and on a sunny day the sailboat traffic must be something to see.  Oh, and you can eat here.  A lot.  Bring an empty stomach, because this place skimps on neither the flavor or the servings.

Pandora went all "I can't order anything but the entree" on this feathered dinosaur and then proceeded to consume any bread and olive spread she could get her hands on.  But this feathered dinosaur enjoyed only a little bread, and went crazy with the Waldorf Salad- greens, pears, walnuts, and yummy goat cheese topped off with a creamy but light and buttery dressing.   Pandora's juicy filet mignon sat atop sauteed spinach with mini garlic potatoes.  My braised short ribs had more sauce than necessary, but it's a French restaurant, so all sauces are welcome.  My sides were julienned, steamed veggies and garlic potatoes, and everything was not just spiced right, but a good texture- meats cut easily but were solid.  Veggies were hot from steaming, but never soggy.  Potato skins were crunchy, and the insides chewy and starchy.

Anything called bread pudding is a go for dessert, and Pandora decided to copy me because the chocolate dessert was ruled a little typical.  This bread pudding combines the yumminess of soaked bread with caramel sauce, bananas cooked in, and vanilla ice cream.  Penance will be required for it, and consist of ten Hail Mary's.

Pandora spent most of the meal complaining about certain, let's say... deficiencies... with her new driver's license.   Also discussed:  the various ways we would punish ourselves for the orgy of spending and food enjoyed this weekend.  We really shouldn't have a car.

Tres Leches. OMG.

Most of what Brazeiro Chrrascaria makes is good old-fashioned Central/South American food, served by friendly staff in a low key place.  You can have a good talk with your dining partner(s) there, and the place is perfect for a quick dinner with a good friend.  Unfortunately, I went with Pandora, who ranted a story about her lack of communication skills.  Nachos are served sprinkled with finely grated cheese instead of bread.  We started with the calamari, shaped in rings, breaded, and served with a sauce slightly more spicy than usual.  We feasted on skirt steak and pork ribs (with a nice understated flavor, not a heavy BBQ sauce), fried plantains and salad.  Well, I ate my salad.  Pandora then ordered a Tres Leches Cake.  After consulting with the waiter, I got one too.  This is what heaven tastes like.  This is what heaven looks like:

Doesn't look like much does it?  Three milks (sweetened condensed, evaporated, and heavy cream) are poured over cake iced with whipped heavy cream.  Brazeiro's Tres Leches Cake is solid, maybe too solid, but lacks nothing in sweet, creamy, cake-y goodness.  Definitely worth blowing the diet for once in a while.

Death March Followed by Orgy of Beef/Pork

Arthur's Tavern in Hoboken lives in the heart of Hoboken's Washington Street.  You sit at old-fashioned dive tables:

And you order this :

With lots of beer

It's a place for people who like meat and grains and potatoes and calories and cholesterol.  Which Pandora and this feathered dinosaur definitely like, so this is the place for us.  We started by walking approximately 5 miles between West New York and Hoboken, along the Hudson River.  Because the route twists and turns a great deal, it took forever and we felt like we were actually walking backwards most of the time.  Along the way we speculated on how much people overpaid to live in condos that flooded first from Sandy, and where these people manage to find groceries.

The Blue Moon Pale Ale and Bacon Cheese Burgers with thick, crunchy on the outside-soft inside fries was worth every tortured step. Will they be worth heart attacks in the next few years?  This feathered dinosaur doesn't pretend to know.  How tired we were was actually the main topic of our lunch, which we finished with dessert.  Pandora wolfed down Tiramisu that must have been good, as she's all picky about it since going to Italy.  My Chocolate Mousse Cake was nostalgic - remember that light, puffy, chocolate feeling of mousses from the 80s?  Washed all down with light but tasty Blue Moon.

Hoboken required, for reasons I will not go into, a trip to the hardware store for keys and steel wool, and a visit to the Old German Bakery on Washington, which Pandora has a crush on for their Almond Pastries.  She actually ate one as we walked out of the place, and saved one for when we got home.

We were fortified for our trip back, which for some reason included a Hoboken Hipster furniture store.  From there, we climbed the bridge from Hoboken to Weehawken, and climbed the hill up Boulevard East, from which we burned up most of what we'd eaten.  We immediately collapsed in our separate dens, with Pandora threatening to make us return for brunch here.

Back for More - Waterside in North Bergen

Some of you may remember that Pandora and I stumbled on a little gem of a place named Waterside Restaurant and Catering on the Hudson River in North Bergen.  Well, the time to return came.  Like our initial visit, we walked there and back, building up a healthy appetite over 35 minutes (one way) on a cold December evening.  We needed every calorie shredded we could get - the menu is a collection of rich and tasty gems.  The wine started flowing almost immediately after sitting at the table. Dry, rich stuff that you can drink all evening.

Pandora started off the the Shrimp Cocktail - it arrived on a bed of ice of sharp shrimp tasty goodness.  I began with the Arugula and Cherry Tomato Salad. With fried goat cheese and vinaigrette, this also has a lot of flavor in a light plate.  But there was more:  Pandora's Seared Red Snapper (calm down, it's not the whole fish, there's no head starin' back at ya'), was spicy, on a risotto bed with spicy red curry and chilies.  Not for the faint-hearted.  And neither was this feathered dinosaur's Filet Mignon with potato and Gorgonzola based Gratin- just the way steak was made, at a luxurious but doable 10oz.

With that, came dessert time:  my Creme Brulee was light, creamy sweetness; while Pandora's Big Chocolate Cake got the better of both of us:  the chocolate with so rich and thick and filled with cocoa goodness, it takes better women than us to finish this off.

Waterside doesn't lose anything at night - the view shifts from a sun-soaked panorama to the lights of the city, spread out in a long, random, lovely row along the shifting grays of the Hudson. The perfect environment for discussing Pandora's violent criminal history.

Post Sandy Shopping, Or Why Pandora Sucks

This feathered dinosaur was tucked into her bed, watching The Cosby Show on TV, when Pandora texted asking about a flat iron.  This feathered dinosaur has an old hair dryer that gets used twice a year.  And a couple hairbrushes.  Feathers don't need a flat iron.  Pandora blabbed some nonsense about needing her hair straight for a cut.  That night. Pandora had a really fucking stupid fantastic idea - why not go to Bergenline and get a flat iron at 7:30pm?  This feathered dinosaur thought it was silly, but that there might be something at the drug store she needed too, and a short walk on a warm night two days after a major hurricane sounded like stupid fun.

60th Street in West New York was mostly dark, but that wasn't a shock - alot of residential streets were our of power, and we saw light coming from Bergenline.  The idiot walking in front of us tripped on sidewalk stones.  We fought a little over the one flashlight Pandora bought.  We got to Bergenline to discover that anything below 60th Street wasn't going to be open.  Because the power was out south of 60th Street for as far as we could see.

Pandora did not give up on the flatiron.  Insisting that somewhere up ahead, would be an open store with a flatiron, she pressed on, using some sort of shameless manipulation mind control to persuade this feathered dinosaur to continue with her.  Up the hills of Bergenline (Why was it all uphill all the way there? Who plans these towns out???) we tramped, ALL THE WAY TO THE FUCKING DMV, where a mini mall contained a 24/7 drug store with power, a Dunkin Donuts that appeared closed, and something called a QuickChek, which turned out to be a convenience store.  

So to add insult to injury, Pandora cannot decide between the two flat irons there.  She did, mostly because this feathered dinosaur's jaws were closing in.  But then, a tummy rumbled.  Into the QuikChek we went, and indulged in hot cocoa with hazelnut flavor, which turned out to be quite good and not watery at all.  We tramped back down Boulevard East, cutting through the park despite Pandora acting like there was some sort of danger.  Like this feathered dinosaur wouldn't gladly ruin the just-purchased flat iron beating in the head of a would-be attacker.  The night's full moon came up over upper Manhattan, while we checked out how much power had been restored.  Anything between Wall Street and Soho was still fucked. And so was this feathered dinosaur, who could not return to bed and TVLand until 9:45pm.  This feathered dinosaur has definitely learned her lesson - PANDORA HAS NO CLUE.

Five Star Spread, Two Star Dining Partner

Pandora and this feathered dinosaur found Waterside completely by mistake.  Pandora has long wanted to go on an "Urban Hike", the photos of which might just end up on this website.  Apparently, an Urban Hike entails walking up to Edgewater Commons to look at all the places still closed two weeks ago from Sandy.  There was only one gas station open.  Everything else was dead, including some traffic lights.  It was at Edgewater Commons that this feathered dinosaur's stomach felt empty.  And NOBODY wants a hungry dinosaur on their hands.  Repeated searches on the phone's map brought up only one diner not answering their phone, so your intrepid Urban Hikers made their way down River Road to find sustenance that would satisfy a dinosaur with feathers to maintain.

The diner was behind a curve in the road, and closed.  A dinosaur roar was about to pierce the eerie, post-Sandy quiet when a sign saying "OPEN" was spotted under a restaurant sign.  Waterside is at the edge of the river, set way back from River Road.  It's the kind of place you drive to, because the two valets outside were puzzled by the fact we walked there.  But everyone else inside was happy to see us, and didn't care we were in sweats and jeans.  The Sunday Brunch Spread was being finished as a meticulous waiter took our drink orders and brought coffee and tea and juice for us.

The cold section is a collection of seafood, veggies, cheeses, breads, fruits and dessert.  Everything is fresh, including the seafood.  Mix some sliced veggies with the mozzarella drizzled in balsamic vinaigrette, and add some of the great hard cheeses to boot instead of a boring salad.  Add some cold, fresh shrimp, piled high in the center of the cold buffet, with sauce to complete your appetizer.  When you return to your table, the waiter has refolded your napkins and is ready to refill your coffee.  Look out on a sparkling river on a sunny day through the full-height windows facing the Hudson.

The hot section has everything a growing dinosaur needs:  an omelette/meat cutting station, eggs, potatoes, sausage, bacon, and pancakes.  Look for French Toast too, now that Sandy is no longer in upper Hudson County.  Load up your plate.  Everything is tasty without being heavy.  Enjoy the sun and clouds over the river as you wolf it down.

And now we come to desserts and fruit.  Load up on everything sweet you can fit on a plate, ESPECIALLY the cream puffs.  And the pink, strawberry mini cheesecake pieces.  And the cookies.  Repeat as desired.

There is loose talk of returning to this place for a steak dinner.  Stay tuned, because this feathered dinosaur loves steak.

Cow-based Comfort Food

Philly CheeseSteak House, 6012 Park Avenue, West New York

This is where I go when I need to really pack food away, and it needs to be good food.  The service is pretty casual, and you'll need to bring your own booze.  That's why the goddess put a liquor store right next door.  Hope you like football, because that's what's playing on the big-screen TV.  I can tell you to order the soft and huge steak fries and definitely definitely get cheese on your steak sandwich.  I like to add mushrooms to pretend I'm getting my veggies.  And while you're blowing your diet, get a dessert.  And pick up a delivery menu so you can just order all that meaty cheesy goodness from home next time.  My next order will involve a burger, so stay tuned.