Post Sandy Shopping, Or Why Pandora Sucks

This feathered dinosaur was tucked into her bed, watching The Cosby Show on TV, when Pandora texted asking about a flat iron.  This feathered dinosaur has an old hair dryer that gets used twice a year.  And a couple hairbrushes.  Feathers don't need a flat iron.  Pandora blabbed some nonsense about needing her hair straight for a cut.  That night. Pandora had a really fucking stupid fantastic idea - why not go to Bergenline and get a flat iron at 7:30pm?  This feathered dinosaur thought it was silly, but that there might be something at the drug store she needed too, and a short walk on a warm night two days after a major hurricane sounded like stupid fun.

60th Street in West New York was mostly dark, but that wasn't a shock - alot of residential streets were our of power, and we saw light coming from Bergenline.  The idiot walking in front of us tripped on sidewalk stones.  We fought a little over the one flashlight Pandora bought.  We got to Bergenline to discover that anything below 60th Street wasn't going to be open.  Because the power was out south of 60th Street for as far as we could see.

Pandora did not give up on the flatiron.  Insisting that somewhere up ahead, would be an open store with a flatiron, she pressed on, using some sort of shameless manipulation mind control to persuade this feathered dinosaur to continue with her.  Up the hills of Bergenline (Why was it all uphill all the way there? Who plans these towns out???) we tramped, ALL THE WAY TO THE FUCKING DMV, where a mini mall contained a 24/7 drug store with power, a Dunkin Donuts that appeared closed, and something called a QuickChek, which turned out to be a convenience store.  

So to add insult to injury, Pandora cannot decide between the two flat irons there.  She did, mostly because this feathered dinosaur's jaws were closing in.  But then, a tummy rumbled.  Into the QuikChek we went, and indulged in hot cocoa with hazelnut flavor, which turned out to be quite good and not watery at all.  We tramped back down Boulevard East, cutting through the park despite Pandora acting like there was some sort of danger.  Like this feathered dinosaur wouldn't gladly ruin the just-purchased flat iron beating in the head of a would-be attacker.  The night's full moon came up over upper Manhattan, while we checked out how much power had been restored.  Anything between Wall Street and Soho was still fucked. And so was this feathered dinosaur, who could not return to bed and TVLand until 9:45pm.  This feathered dinosaur has definitely learned her lesson - PANDORA HAS NO CLUE.

Five Star Spread, Two Star Dining Partner

Pandora and this feathered dinosaur found Waterside completely by mistake.  Pandora has long wanted to go on an "Urban Hike", the photos of which might just end up on this website.  Apparently, an Urban Hike entails walking up to Edgewater Commons to look at all the places still closed two weeks ago from Sandy.  There was only one gas station open.  Everything else was dead, including some traffic lights.  It was at Edgewater Commons that this feathered dinosaur's stomach felt empty.  And NOBODY wants a hungry dinosaur on their hands.  Repeated searches on the phone's map brought up only one diner not answering their phone, so your intrepid Urban Hikers made their way down River Road to find sustenance that would satisfy a dinosaur with feathers to maintain.

The diner was behind a curve in the road, and closed.  A dinosaur roar was about to pierce the eerie, post-Sandy quiet when a sign saying "OPEN" was spotted under a restaurant sign.  Waterside is at the edge of the river, set way back from River Road.  It's the kind of place you drive to, because the two valets outside were puzzled by the fact we walked there.  But everyone else inside was happy to see us, and didn't care we were in sweats and jeans.  The Sunday Brunch Spread was being finished as a meticulous waiter took our drink orders and brought coffee and tea and juice for us.

The cold section is a collection of seafood, veggies, cheeses, breads, fruits and dessert.  Everything is fresh, including the seafood.  Mix some sliced veggies with the mozzarella drizzled in balsamic vinaigrette, and add some of the great hard cheeses to boot instead of a boring salad.  Add some cold, fresh shrimp, piled high in the center of the cold buffet, with sauce to complete your appetizer.  When you return to your table, the waiter has refolded your napkins and is ready to refill your coffee.  Look out on a sparkling river on a sunny day through the full-height windows facing the Hudson.

The hot section has everything a growing dinosaur needs:  an omelette/meat cutting station, eggs, potatoes, sausage, bacon, and pancakes.  Look for French Toast too, now that Sandy is no longer in upper Hudson County.  Load up your plate.  Everything is tasty without being heavy.  Enjoy the sun and clouds over the river as you wolf it down.

And now we come to desserts and fruit.  Load up on everything sweet you can fit on a plate, ESPECIALLY the cream puffs.  And the pink, strawberry mini cheesecake pieces.  And the cookies.  Repeat as desired.

There is loose talk of returning to this place for a steak dinner.  Stay tuned, because this feathered dinosaur loves steak.

Cow-based Comfort Food

Philly CheeseSteak House, 6012 Park Avenue, West New York

This is where I go when I need to really pack food away, and it needs to be good food.  The service is pretty casual, and you'll need to bring your own booze.  That's why the goddess put a liquor store right next door.  Hope you like football, because that's what's playing on the big-screen TV.  I can tell you to order the soft and huge steak fries and definitely definitely get cheese on your steak sandwich.  I like to add mushrooms to pretend I'm getting my veggies.  And while you're blowing your diet, get a dessert.  And pick up a delivery menu so you can just order all that meaty cheesy goodness from home next time.  My next order will involve a burger, so stay tuned.

Battle of the Italian Restaurants, Hudson County Style

Due Gemelli on Park Avenue between 60th and 61st Streets v. Cavalino's on Park Avenue and 68th Street, West New York, NJ

Whether you go to Due Gemelli's or Cavalino's, the staff will spoil you rotten.  When going to Due Gemelli, buy a bottle of wine on your way there, the staff will uncork and pour for you.  Or you can just show up at Cavalino's and order from the full bar.

Start both meals with bruschetta;  Cavalino's will serve you two small, classically prepared pieces with the bread, or order the cheesy bruschetta at Due Gemelli.  You will love.  You will also love the appetizers at Cavalino, whether it's tomato and mozzarella or mushrooms stuffed with crabmeat (the mushrooms come in a buttery sauce to boot- save your bread for this!).  House salads precede entrees, with house dressings from balsamic vinaigrette.  Pandora feasted on crabmeat-stuffed shrimp at Cavalino's, all crabby and buttery fried goodness.  This feathered dinosaur started her veal parmigian, before realizing her tummy was full, and had to take the rest home.  The linguini for both Cavalino dishes was buttery and al dente.   At Due Gemelli, the veal is juicier, thicker and served on traditional spaghetti.  You will definitely want the tiramisu at both places, with Cavalino's tiramisu in a smaller portion size and creamier.

Both restaurants are also quiet places to go; you can actually hear whoever you're with and gossip all through your meal.  This feathered dinosaur won't reveal  Pandora's gossip except to say that you should never get on the bad side of a killer unicorn.  And this feathered dinosaur MAKES NO APOLOGY for the super speed with which she eats or the extra sangria she drank.

Due Gemelli Points:  This feathered dinosaur got to visit Due Gemelli in peace, without Pandora stabbing everyone on her horn;  The veal in the veal parmigian is a little meatier; the bruschetta is a great lunch all on its own

Cavalino's Points:  Liquor license allows Culuriel and Pandora to get fruity, ice cold sangria;  the stuffed mushrooms with crabmeat, awesome bread, and perfect tiramisu.  Weekday specials are good for the retired or those playing hooky from work.

I'll start with a Thai Iced Tea, please

What if you couldn't make it to Thailand over the last Spring Break?  Well, Hudson County doesn't have the beaches, but my trusty dining partner Pandora and I can enjoy a lovely walk up Park Avenue, away from all the wind of the river, and eat a good meal at Lotus.  Between 70th and 71st Streets along Park Avenue in Guttenberg, Lotus has a nondescript entry under a black awning.  Inside, you'll find a low-key chic atmosphere with comfortable seating and old-school chandeliers.  You'll also find a quiet, low-key experience with service when you need it.  I tried to enlighten Pandora about the recent discoveries of feathered dinosaurs and Pluto's astronomical status, but she found a teddy bear to kill instead. The Mixed Green Salad comes with a peanut sauce with just the right amount of sweetness, and the sweet sauced Shrimp Martini was well cooked and arranged artfully in a martini glass.  Pandora was worried about shrimp heads still being attached for nothing.  The Drunk Man Noodles were savory, spicy and delicious;  veggies and meat were cooked without sogginess.  The Pad Thai came with perfect tofu.  The desserts are the bomb:  a Chocolate Mousse cake with raspberry sauce, and Fried Ice cream served with both chocolate and raspberry sauces.  And what would be a Thai dinner without the Iced Tea?  Served in tall, thin glasses with ice cubes separating the milk from the tea, you'll enjoy every sip.  Relax with the smooth jazz and spicy coconut milk goodness while you watch the good people of Guttenberg hustle by.
Check out the menu at :  http://www.lotusthai.net/default.html