Post Sandy Shopping, Or Why Pandora Sucks

This feathered dinosaur was tucked into her bed, watching The Cosby Show on TV, when Pandora texted asking about a flat iron.  This feathered dinosaur has an old hair dryer that gets used twice a year.  And a couple hairbrushes.  Feathers don't need a flat iron.  Pandora blabbed some nonsense about needing her hair straight for a cut.  That night. Pandora had a really fucking stupid fantastic idea - why not go to Bergenline and get a flat iron at 7:30pm?  This feathered dinosaur thought it was silly, but that there might be something at the drug store she needed too, and a short walk on a warm night two days after a major hurricane sounded like stupid fun.

60th Street in West New York was mostly dark, but that wasn't a shock - alot of residential streets were our of power, and we saw light coming from Bergenline.  The idiot walking in front of us tripped on sidewalk stones.  We fought a little over the one flashlight Pandora bought.  We got to Bergenline to discover that anything below 60th Street wasn't going to be open.  Because the power was out south of 60th Street for as far as we could see.

Pandora did not give up on the flatiron.  Insisting that somewhere up ahead, would be an open store with a flatiron, she pressed on, using some sort of shameless manipulation mind control to persuade this feathered dinosaur to continue with her.  Up the hills of Bergenline (Why was it all uphill all the way there? Who plans these towns out???) we tramped, ALL THE WAY TO THE FUCKING DMV, where a mini mall contained a 24/7 drug store with power, a Dunkin Donuts that appeared closed, and something called a QuickChek, which turned out to be a convenience store.  

So to add insult to injury, Pandora cannot decide between the two flat irons there.  She did, mostly because this feathered dinosaur's jaws were closing in.  But then, a tummy rumbled.  Into the QuikChek we went, and indulged in hot cocoa with hazelnut flavor, which turned out to be quite good and not watery at all.  We tramped back down Boulevard East, cutting through the park despite Pandora acting like there was some sort of danger.  Like this feathered dinosaur wouldn't gladly ruin the just-purchased flat iron beating in the head of a would-be attacker.  The night's full moon came up over upper Manhattan, while we checked out how much power had been restored.  Anything between Wall Street and Soho was still fucked. And so was this feathered dinosaur, who could not return to bed and TVLand until 9:45pm.  This feathered dinosaur has definitely learned her lesson - PANDORA HAS NO CLUE.

Five Star Spread, Two Star Dining Partner

Pandora and this feathered dinosaur found Waterside completely by mistake.  Pandora has long wanted to go on an "Urban Hike", the photos of which might just end up on this website.  Apparently, an Urban Hike entails walking up to Edgewater Commons to look at all the places still closed two weeks ago from Sandy.  There was only one gas station open.  Everything else was dead, including some traffic lights.  It was at Edgewater Commons that this feathered dinosaur's stomach felt empty.  And NOBODY wants a hungry dinosaur on their hands.  Repeated searches on the phone's map brought up only one diner not answering their phone, so your intrepid Urban Hikers made their way down River Road to find sustenance that would satisfy a dinosaur with feathers to maintain.

The diner was behind a curve in the road, and closed.  A dinosaur roar was about to pierce the eerie, post-Sandy quiet when a sign saying "OPEN" was spotted under a restaurant sign.  Waterside is at the edge of the river, set way back from River Road.  It's the kind of place you drive to, because the two valets outside were puzzled by the fact we walked there.  But everyone else inside was happy to see us, and didn't care we were in sweats and jeans.  The Sunday Brunch Spread was being finished as a meticulous waiter took our drink orders and brought coffee and tea and juice for us.

The cold section is a collection of seafood, veggies, cheeses, breads, fruits and dessert.  Everything is fresh, including the seafood.  Mix some sliced veggies with the mozzarella drizzled in balsamic vinaigrette, and add some of the great hard cheeses to boot instead of a boring salad.  Add some cold, fresh shrimp, piled high in the center of the cold buffet, with sauce to complete your appetizer.  When you return to your table, the waiter has refolded your napkins and is ready to refill your coffee.  Look out on a sparkling river on a sunny day through the full-height windows facing the Hudson.

The hot section has everything a growing dinosaur needs:  an omelette/meat cutting station, eggs, potatoes, sausage, bacon, and pancakes.  Look for French Toast too, now that Sandy is no longer in upper Hudson County.  Load up your plate.  Everything is tasty without being heavy.  Enjoy the sun and clouds over the river as you wolf it down.

And now we come to desserts and fruit.  Load up on everything sweet you can fit on a plate, ESPECIALLY the cream puffs.  And the pink, strawberry mini cheesecake pieces.  And the cookies.  Repeat as desired.

There is loose talk of returning to this place for a steak dinner.  Stay tuned, because this feathered dinosaur loves steak.